What do I do with this?

Here’s a typical scenario I deal with in couples counseling all the time. There you are, in bed, having just woken up for the day and you feel so angry. Once, for me, it was because I had a dream that my wife had cheated and the anger and jealousy were so real. I was fuming! It was totally unfair.

So, what do you do with this kind of sh!t? These thoughts and emotions that just pop into your head and heart and won’t leave no matter how much you want them to or how many times you tell yourself they don’t make sense and aren’t real.

In my case, I just talked with my wife about it. It was embarrassing. But, she confirmed that it was crazy and just a silly dream. She supported me and told me I was her one and only. It helped. However, these thoughts and feelings still popped up the next few days, off and on.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has these situations every now and then. So, here is what I’ve found that works well for me. This is a technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that has allowed me to let feelings go when I don’t want them hanging around. This is not a one and done technique. If you do this, you will have to do it several times during each experience. It’s called “Leaves on a River.”

Here’s what I do:

I close my eyes and imagine I’m in the woods. In front of me is a small stream with leaves from the surrounding trees flowing gently down the stream. I take note of the movement of the stream and the movement of the leaves. As I feel thoughts and feelings come up, I give them a name and place that word/name on a leaf in the stream. Then, I watch that feeling flow gently down the stream until it’s out of sight. I do this over and over and over until the feeling or thought no longer possess a significant position in my mind or in my heart. Then, I back away from the stream and open my eyes.

I’m not sure why this particular practice works so well for me, but it does. I think the combination of the meditative type practice and the mental picture of the emotions and thoughts leaving my presence helps them to do just that.

So, that’s what I do with that sh!t. I put it on a leaf and send it down a stream. Maybe it will work for you.